From Bronze to Gold Leadership: Why Leaders Fail Alone and Win Together with Laura Armstrong
Welcome to SkyTeam's PeopleFirst with Morag Barrett. Here, we'll be exploring the people side of successful businesses, careers, and lives. We all have a story to share, and there's something to be learned in every story. Join us to learn from authors, business leaders, thought leaders, and people just like you to uncover the latest ideas, resources, and tools to help you become more effective at work and life. As it turns out, the secret to success is cultivating winning relationships.
Intro & Outro:Business is personal and relationships matter.
Morag Barett:Okay, welcome to this week's episode of PeopleFirst! And my guest this week is Laura Armstrong, who is a three times world champion martial artist, international speaker, best selling author and creator of Wealth Mastery Systems. She brings more than thirty years of experience integrating corporate leadership with martial arts discipline and holistic health to help leaders develop resilience, strengthen relationships and inspire high performing teams. Her work focuses on cultivating winning relationships, a topic close to my heart, as the foundation for sustainable success. Laura, welcome to PeopleFirst!
Laura Armstrong:Thank you so much. I'm excited to be here. Like we're talking about one of my favorite subjects today, so like, I'm just kind of jacked to be here.
Morag Barett:You and me both. So let's pick on that thread of relationships at work since that is the title of my first book, Cultivate the Power of Winning Relationships. So tell me, what role have relationships played in your success?
Laura Armstrong:You know, it's really interesting because I feel like when I was competing at an international level, so I'll just give you like a tiny bit of background so you have some context. So I competed at an international level for a couple of decades and I was competing for almost ten years before I won my first gold. And there's a whole story around that, about winning. But what it came down to is the missing piece because I only ever won silver bronze, silver bronze, silver bronze for many years. And when I actually won the gold, what I realized the missing piece was was the support.
Laura Armstrong:I was not leaning on my team properly, and I was not receiving what they had to give me for, you know, to give me that edge, as well as being what the edge was that being a holistic practitioner gave me. Right? So there was a lot of factors in there, but that's really what tipped me over into the winning. And I feel like a lot of the time that people in, especially in the corporate space, they don't set themselves up for success because they don't, A, have the support, lean on the support or know where the support is. And if they don't have it, they don't go out and get it.
Laura Armstrong:They just feel like, oh, I'm just floating here. I'll just manage it the best I can. And so I feel like it's a key thing to set yourself up properly, and that's on you to do that. If you're not getting the support you need from other people, then you need to go out and create that for yourself. Right?
Laura Armstrong:And I'm very direct about that because I've seen people waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, and it never happens. And then what happens? Nothing. And then there's disappointment, expectations, blah, blah, blah. And I think that that waiting can create a lot of fear within people in the workplace.
Laura Armstrong:Like there's a hidden cost of fear in the workplace, right? Like because fear shuts down creativity, it shuts down collaboration. When people don't feel safe, they don't speak up. And I've seen that over and over again. And what happens is that reflects in the organization.
Laura Armstrong:It loses innovation, engagement and retention when fear runs unchecked like that. And creating safety around that doesn't make teams soft. It makes them actually strategic and confident and capable. And then that in turn is going to create that culture that you're looking for, and it also affects the bottom line in a good way.
Morag Barett:So let's go back to the beginning then. You talked there about how some leaders don't recognise that leadership is in fact a team sport, that they approach it with a me first individual approach. Why that gap and disconnect?
Laura Armstrong:I think there's a few reasons. The one that I could talk about today that's most common is that I think that when leaders feel pressured, like, to perform or, you know, have their teams perform and they're not performing, what happens is that they tend to react, not respond. And then that sends everything off the rails. Right? And so it's about being a resilient leader.
Laura Armstrong:Right? Like it's play the long game. Right? Like, you know, because the reaction is not a long game. A reaction is a Band Aid that you think is helpful and it's actually not.
Laura Armstrong:And as leaders, we need to have that introspection and that's where your resilience is built. And just taking those moments of taking a breath. And because what happens when we go into that reaction is it is a slight trauma. Right? And then maybe that becomes your reaction to every situation like that.
Laura Armstrong:So that is trauma. Right? Like it builds up as that. Right? And then you go into hyper or hypo.
Laura Armstrong:You either shut down or you get really like freaked out or, you know, adrenalized. Right? And it's a real thing. And people are like, oh, you're just overreacting. No, people are not in a place where they can respond.
Laura Armstrong:If you think about this is us as humans in society here. This is society. It's moving so much faster than us now for the first time in a long time at a rate where we are in overwhelm all the time. The fact that we can create resilient leaders in this environment is magical because we've adopted to that. Right?
Laura Armstrong:So resilience is built in the moments that you pause before reacting.
Morag Barett:So I'm curious as to how you define resilience. Because it's a word that I'm seeing and hearing frequently, but it seems to be, you know, it's the word of the week. So how do you define resilience, first off?
Laura Armstrong:For me, it's emotional regulation. Right? Like, so it's kind of like taking that I mean, it sounds crazy, but like taking that breath before responding. Right? Like, it's just like, how can I be resilient?
Laura Armstrong:Okay, so I'm going to like and you're right. There are a lot of these buzzwords out there that people say sound good, but they don't really know what they mean and they certainly don't know how to teach them or integrate them. Right? And so I love that we're having this conversation for people. So resilience is built in the moments, like I said, that you pause before reacting.
Laura Armstrong:And if you're emotionally regulating yourself, then you can influence the outcomes because you've paused, you've taken the breath, and people know that you are a person that can be dependent on, that you will push through, not even just push through, I don't even like that word, that you will get the outcome that you're looking for because it's the best for the team and it's the best for yourself and for the organization or however you want to word that, right? You're not just managing the crisis.
Morag Barett:Well, goes back to something you said earlier about fear. And as I think about my own career and the leaders I work with, I think where resilience gets a bad rap is that when it is taught or expected to be that you will just power through. Because all that does is ignore the trigger that has caused you to, in that moment, am I going to fight or flight or any of the other responses. And resilience is about putting a choice point into that moment that says, in this moment, yes, I need to keep going and power through. And tomorrow, when things have calmed down, when I've calmed down, I'm going to make a different choice that sustains me for the longer term.
Morag Barett:And you mentioned that earlier, that it's about the longer game. So connect. That's where you made my mind go. Connect those dots for me, if you can.
Laura Armstrong:Yeah, for sure. And so like what you just said, like they're having the initial reaction. So the idea is to get it so it's preventative. So you don't have that initial reaction. So when people react or have, you know, an aggressive reaction or whatever, something that's, you know, conflictual, right away, I'm like, okay, in my brain, don't go into like, oh, okay, let's say this.
Laura Armstrong:It's more like what you have to remember is that calm leadership spreads calm. Right? And that panic leadership spreads chaos. Right? And so what do you want to do?
Laura Armstrong:Right? And so for that, so if it's that preventative where I'm like, so it's almost like teaching yourself this habit of like, alright, this person just said this. What's going on with them? So you mentioned one tactic earlier, which
Morag Barett:is to take a breath. And to your point, it sounds trite, but there is science behind. Taking that breath reoxidases the brain and that re engages the neocortex, the thinking, the logical, the decision making part of our brain. Versus when we're hyperventilating, when we have lower oxygen, it's all gone to our limbs and then we're in the amygdala and the limbic system and fight or flight. You then started to talk about choices.
Morag Barett:So what are other tactics that leaders can use in the moment so that they can choose to respond versus
Laura Armstrong:react? So another really effective technique, and I use a lot of these somatic techniques, for leaders and and for employees or staff, is grounding. Right? And it's it used to be like this woo woo thing, like, many years ago when I, you know, thirty years ago, I was like, oh, grounding. Right.
Laura Armstrong:But it's actually, like you said, very scientific. And so what happens when you are feeling your feet on the ground is that you're focused on connecting your body with your mind. Right? Instead of your mind taking off on this journey of the hamster wheel of reaction. Right?
Laura Armstrong:When you somatic techniques of grounding and even just something as simple as feeling your feet on the ground, Actually, it does is it brings not just your body, but your brain and your logic, like you said, back into that space where you can look at things in a way that is defined as responding so people will have that calm. So they're mirroring you. That's what people forget. People mirror leaders. They want, I've seen it tons of times as I coached the Canadian team for decades.
Laura Armstrong:Right? So I was always careful about what I did because I knew my students were mirroring me. It's the same in corporate.
Morag Barett:You reminded me of a conversation I had with a previous guest, Marc Cene Crowley, and he was talking about well-being, but the comment he made was that as humans, we're actually emotional beings first. As much as we like to tell ourselves that we are rational, intelligent creatures, we feel before we think. And once we can embrace that ideal, then it means that listening to gut warning that you might have, whether it's the butterflies or the tension, feeling the hairs go up on the back of your neck, all of these are signals that we need to pay attention to. Now, earlier you talked about the secret between you being a bronze and silver medalist and gold was recognising and tapping into your support network. So if I'm sitting here when things start to get heated, maybe I'm starting to get heated, how do I determine who's in my support network and how do I leverage that to help me to be a better leader?
Laura Armstrong:Well, there's a couple of things. So there's verbal strategies that I use for things like that. And, you know, the other thing, which is probably one of the toughest things for leaders to do, is ask for help. And I've seen it over and over again because they don't want to look weak. They don't want to look incompetent.
Laura Armstrong:They don't want to look like they can't control the situation, which is an illusion anyways. They don't the overall, they don't want to feel like they're not worthy of people's trust. One thing that I say to people is like, I would like your feedback on blah because I think we can make it better. Or I would like to get everybody's idea because I think brainstorming is powerful. So you're not giving anything away, like you're weak or anything, but you're starting to engage the group and they're like, what?
Laura Armstrong:They want my opinion? Right? I'm like, yeah, let's do that. So what that does is creates that really tight container as a leader where you're holding everybody there and you're building that trust in a way where a, nobody feels threatened, they're not afraid, they can express themselves whether you like their ideas or not. Everybody is valued.
Laura Armstrong:Right. And those are the four key pillars of creating a team that's going to feel safe because when they feel safe, they will engage with you on every level and they can agree to disagree. And I feel like a lot of the time when I work with leaders, it's like they need to be right. No, you don't need to be right. You have a directive, you have your KPI, you know what your deliverables are, but how you get to the end path to deliver is your choice.
Laura Armstrong:And so do you want to have that supportive team who's probably thinking of things you never thought because you don't have all the solutions. Right? And so having emotionally intelligent leaders is like and really having that resilience of knowing that you don't have all the answers. That's why you have a team.
Morag Barett:So as you're coaching and working with leaders, I'm thinking about, even as I think back to your introduction for you, three times world champion, You're a successful author, an international speaker. We collect these labels as we move through our career, and yet there are times where we have to let them go. They are part of who we are and they're important to acknowledge, but recognising that they either aren't what we do right now or aren't serving us for the future can be a struggle. And you get this, correlation with less confident leaders between, you know, I wore my lucky socks, therefore I always wear my lucky socks. I got this promotion because I'm very direct and I call a spade a spade and I don't suffer fools gladly, you know, take it or leave it.
Morag Barett:But at some point that just morphs into the label of, well, at best, brilliant jerk and at worst, just jerk. So how do you help leaders as they navigate through their life and career to recognize those labels that are both serving and no longer serving them?
Laura Armstrong:It's inter that's an interesting question because for me, being a world champion is just something I did. And so people need to hear that because it gives them the confidence that they're dealing with the best. And I am the best at what I do. And I was the best at fighting in the world. But what people don't see is the other side of what happens after you win.
Laura Armstrong:And we see this in professional sports a lot where an NFL player wins a Super Bowl and two years later they're bankrupt. We need to learn to do at that level is realize what our accolades are, like you just mentioned, but translate it into our lives as a core part of our power. So that peace never leaves us. It moves from here to here and we're using it to create better in the world with what we do. Right?
Laura Armstrong:And so it morphs into this piece of yourself that will be with you forever. And you can use it as education, knowledge, however you want it to show up in your life to influence, help others, teach, educate, you know, whatever it is that you're doing. And a lot of the time I don't have a label for my three time world champion. It's just something I did that's one of my accolades, and I'm very clear about that. But I don't go around saying I'm better at this than everybody else, or I do this, so that makes me that.
Laura Armstrong:It doesn't. What makes me great is the journey that I have been on, the fires that I have walked through, and the mistakes that I have made. That's the labels I want to be remembered for.
Morag Barett:See, now that gets to another side of fear and that is vulnerability. And Brene Brown talks about that, so eloquently in that courage comes with vulnerability. But fear often, and I know early in my career, was that internal dialogue that said, I need to present a perfect excellent veneer in order to be credible as a coach, as a facilitator, as a speaker. And it is only in the last fifteen years or so that I've come to realize, oh no, no, there is strength in the imperfections that we all bring. So what does that spark for you, Laura?
Laura Armstrong:You know, it's so funny because it didn't take me long to figure that out. So I actually get a lot more response messing up. I feel like in our society, there's a lot of societal influence to do everything perfectly. Social media, you know, engaging with people like every it's just an illusion. Right.
Laura Armstrong:And so if you can see past the illusion to the reality of who you are, that is what people want from you. Right. And I'm like, I'm the first one. I'm like, you know what? We're starting again.
Laura Armstrong:I just messed that up. Like, let's just start again. And like, I think this is the direction we want to go. Like, or, you know, I'm the first to like own my own mistakes because that makes me attractive. It makes me attractive because it makes me real.
Laura Armstrong:And, you know, it's funny. My ex husband said to me, one of the things that I always loved about our relationship is I know exactly where I stood with you every single time because I always spoke my truth. Right. And so and that was a learned thing I had to learn through my life. Right.
Laura Armstrong:I had to speak up for myself. When we're in corporate, there's that again, that fear of like, if I speak up, I'm going to be fired. I'll lose my position. Like, all these repercussions will happen. And you have to have some sort of resilience around that.
Laura Armstrong:Like we talked about, it's like you're not going to come out and blurt stuff out, but you're like, this is how I'm feeling and this is how I think it will affect things. And I really want you to hear me. And so giving people the opportunity to actively listen to you, not just hear you, which is passive, can actually change the direction of the discussion and the outcomes that you're looking for.
Morag Barett:So as you think about our conversation here, it's only just scratching the surface of the work that you and I do both about relationships, leadership, psychological safety, we mentioned that earlier. What are what are the core messages that you hope the listeners of PeopleFirst are taking away from this conversation?
Laura Armstrong:Try responding instead of reacting. Like, just that would be my number one thing, is just to take that breath and have that moment, and then understanding how so it's really interesting because I'm trained in communication. And when I train people in communication, it's always understanding of self first. So what are my values? What's important to me?
Laura Armstrong:What do I like? What do I don't like? So understand what that means to you and then understanding of others. And once you get to understanding of others, then you can realize that maybe your values don't match, but I can understand their values. Right?
Laura Armstrong:And then I can have a conversation around that. Right? So it would be not in my language, but in theirs too, like, so that we could engage, build the container and the trust is there. And the third thing I would say is how you're perceived in the world. And this is the toughest for most people because it's the judgment we put on ourselves.
Laura Armstrong:Right? We'll judge us. I'm at a place where if you don't like me, I'm Okay. I'm Okay with all of it. I don't have that.
Laura Armstrong:But it took me a while to get there. Right? But when you can get to that place of like, that's really just someone else's opinion and I'm not owning that, I already own my own power. And it really is, Morag, about taking back your own power and owning it. And so once you do that, you actually become unstoppable and you're a person people want to be around.
Morag Barett:Oh, the idea of unstoppable and unstoppable leaders is compelling. Laura, how can listeners learn more about you and the work that you do?
Laura Armstrong:Sure. You can I'll give you two things. You can connect with me on LinkedIn at Laura Armstrong. You can email me at TheEmpoweredProtocolgmail dot com. And I will give your viewers to set up a half hour with me if you'd like to talk with me.
Laura Armstrong:You can book time on my calendar at talkwithlora.com.
Morag Barett:Excellent. Well, Laura, I appreciate this small glimpse into the work that you do. Thank you for bringing your message to PeopleFirst, and I wish you ongoing success and a ton of fun in all that you do.
Laura Armstrong:Thanks so much. It was so great to be here.
Intro & Outro:Thank you so much for joining Morag today. If you enjoyed the show, please like and subscribe so you don't miss a thing. If you learned something worth sharing, share it. Cultivate your relationships today when you don't need anything before you need something. Be sure to follow Skye team and Morag on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Intro & Outro:And if you have any ideas about topics we should tackle, interviews we should do, or if you yourself would like to be on the show, drop us a line at infoskyeteam dot com. That's S K Y E team dot com. Thanks again for joining us today and remember, business is personal and relationships matter. We are your allies.